FACT: Navigating a gym is like driving around a new city without Google Maps.
You feel lost before you even are.
You take a wrong turn at least once.
And you often end up right back where you started:
IN THIS CASE, PEDALING AWAY ON THE GODFORSAKEN ELLIPTICAL.
Maybe you’ve tried not-so-secretly shadowing “Serena-Williams-Arms” (as you like to call her) around the weightroom … only to feel like a fraud. A creepy fraud.
Or maybe you gave that 30-bucks-a-pop group fitness studio that your friend claims is “The best. Workout. Ever.” a go … only to spend the class wallowing in a sweaty pit of resentment and self-doubt.
Or maybe you’ve even worked with a trainer before … only to say “fuck this” after three months of doing the same ho-hum workouts without ever being told what works what.
Basically, you’ve tried it all and you’ve been at it for … a while. But you still don’t know your glutes from your hamstrings. And you still hate the gym.
THE BAD NEWS:
Despite what some fitness “gurus” may say, there is no 30-day, holy-grail blueprint out there that’ll get you lifelong fitness enlightenment. If that were the case, New Year’s resolutions wouldn’t even be a thing.
THE GOOD NEWS:
That doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to a lifetime of faking it, fuck-its, and yo-yo fitness’ing just yet.
That’s my cue!
And if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past decade of …
Being mentored by a professional fitness competitor;
Scratching things like marathons and 200-mile relay races off my bucket list without blowing out a knee; and
Training a slew of badass women (and a handful of super cool dudes) … it’s this:
An exercise regimen without strength training is like a wedding reception without vodka: Bland, painful, and even more short-lived than your JNCO-jeans phase, circa 1998.
In other words, it’s time for your “lifting phobia” to make a good ol’ fashioned Irish exit and for you to embrace a dumbbell or two.
Because when it comes to exercise, punishment is not the point. *shakes fist at all the specialty studios that have left you feeling otherwise*
It’s about re-training your body to move the way it was designed to (adiós, pops, pain, and posture shame!). It’s about testing your limits physically, mentally, and enjoyably.
It’s about building muscles and moxie (and, while we’re at it, keeping “joint replacement” off your bucket list).
Which is exactly why I left the legal field to start a personal training business and named it — wait for it — Muscles and Moxie™ (located inside TruFit Personal Training Studios at 610 Davis St. in Evanston, Illinois)!
With me as your weightroom wingwoman, you’ll get a fitness program that is tailored to your unique needs and wants. No fads. No boredom. No complicated, unnecessary bullshit. You’ll also get an education along the way so you don’t always have to rely on me.
AND SO HELP ME QUADS, you’ll ultimately be able to do things like:
Walk around with your head held high, shoulders back (literally), and an ass you’re really effing proud of (#whateverywomanwants). Forever.;
Muster the guts to sign up for those fitness-y activities you’ve always wondered about. Like that rec kickball league. Or that 10K. Or, if you’re anything like me, skydiving in Hawaii; and
Navigate the “non-cardio” areas of your gym like a boss. And finally have the satisfaction of knowing that at least half of the resident gym bros, in all their grunty glory, are doing it wrong.
Even if you aren’t into sports, don’t know what it means to brace your core or, up until now, have never used the gym for anything other than sweating out last night’s tequila … I’ve got you, and you’ve got this (I know because that was me in 2006).
It all starts with removing overwhelm from the weightroom and infusing fitness with fun.
Because I think we can both agree: Every workout needs more than just a happy ENDING.
*Looks away innocently. Drops mic casually.*